By Olusola Adeyegbe
In an age where intellectual reasoning is exalted and feelings are elevated as the compass for decision-making, we often witness heartbreaking personal choices that are less about truth and more about confusion.
I recently watched a video of a woman mercilessly asking her husband for a divorce. She confessed that her husband is loyal, hardworking, and good, a commendable man by any standard. Yet, she says she does not feel comfortable being herself with him because, in her own words, she “does not even know who she is.”
This is not just the story of a marital crisis. It is another episode in the ongoing tragedy of spiritual indolence taking its toll on the weak human spirit.
When the intellect takes the driver’s seat without the light of spiritual clarity, life becomes a series of experiments driven by emotions, impulses, and the illusion of self-discovery. We mistake restlessness for awakening, and dissatisfaction for enlightenment. In truth, the soul cries not for freedom from commitment, but for meaning within it.
That woman is in need of help. Not the kind of help that flatters her confusion or fans the flame of her so-called self-discovery journey.
She needs spiritual grounding. She needs to embrace principles that anchor the human spirit, selflessness, kindness, humility, grace, and above all, love. These are not abstract ideals; they are life-giving forces that shape how we relate with others and how we understand ourselves.
Many people today confuse knowing themselves with indulging every passing emotion. But true self-discovery does not emerge in isolation. It is in the fires of responsibility, in the small sacrifices made for loved ones, in the silent strength of loyalty, that the self is refined.
The very discomfort she feels in her marriage may be the mirror she needs, not to run, but to look deeper into herself with courage.
Instead of an outright divorce, what if the couple agreed to a practical and compassionate compromise: a temporary separation of 3 to 6 months? This period could serve as a sacred pause. A time to reflect without resentment, to seek counseling and guidance, and perhaps most importantly, to rediscover the value of a loyal husband and three lovely children. Sometimes distance has a way of bringing clarity that proximity does not allow.
It is often after the noise of separation that the voice of reason is finally heard. Not the loud voice of ego or wounded pride, but the gentle whisper of conscience.
A separation is not always a failure. If handled maturely, it can be a path to healing, a necessary wilderness before returning home with deeper understanding and appreciation.
In our modern world, it has become fashionable to “choose yourself” at any cost. But the highest version of self is not the one that seeks comfort, but the one that is willing to grow through discomfort. Love, in its true form, is not always easy. But it is always worth it.
May we all learn to live not just by the dictates of a restless mind, but with the quiet strength of a soul anchored in truth.
And may that woman, like many others standing at similar crossroads, find not escape, but awakening. Not absence, but presence. Not divorce, but redemption.
