By Olubunmi Adebayo
There is no contesting the fact that the culture of marriage around us and globally is becoming increasingly permissive and lax.
The level of faithfulness and uprightness as expected in marriage, has become unbelievably and embarrassingly low, almost to the point of zero in some instances.
A lot of things in our contemporary generation and society, including the disposition of the entertainment industry and unfettered access to online social platforms have all contributed in no small way towards encouraging unfaithfulness in marriage.
These societal encouragements, coupled with the moral degeneracy everywhere, will hardly bring to the front burner, the downsides and negative aspects of infidelity. Such that when the full course of unfaithfulness is done with, nothing but pains and disillusionment are the tales to tell.
Not only for the two people involved, but for those who depend on them, their loved ones and people who look up to them, including their children for an example.
No doubt, when you are dating, you tend to see the positive sides of a person only. You tend to only come to see the weaknesses after stepping into the marriage.
But marriage is a declaration of your acceptance of both the strengths and weaknesses of your partner.
What do you do when what you begin to see in your marriage, is not necessarily what you desire?
1) Instead of looking for the right person in him/her, try and develop into the right person for him/her.
2) Note that what you are looking for in a new partner, is right within the person you are married to : if only you will patiently look deep and far enough.
3)Grow your contentment mindedness towards your partner. Your marriage is a project, learn to work on it to succeed. You have worked on several projects in the past that you were meant to fail, but which ended up a success because of your efforts. You should repeat same in your marriage.
4) Don’t operate with the mind of “there is nothing in it for me”. This will never be helpful in a stormy marriage. No matter how impossible he or she may be, operate as if there is something in it for you.
5) Hold unto, and appreciate the positive sides in your partner. Do this consistently, and it will give birth to positive influences on him or on her.
6) Be helpful and supportive in managing your spouse’s weaknesses. Part of which includes your not advertising or dramatizing or enlarging the weaknesses itself. If you do, it can only increase the negative perception about him or her, and make things worse between you two.
7) You may seek help from professionals in marriage counseling. It is always better though, for the two of you to see the marriage counsellor together.
8) Take time to study why he or she is always crossed with you, and avoid such. And please, don’t prove your status in marriage. You could be anything in life, but know that marriage is a leveller that has brought you together as partners. If you see it in any other way apart from this, there may be problems in your marriage.
9) Avoid every pressure to have an extra marital relationship outside of your marriage. Adultery (or fornication with an unmarried fellow) will only make your partner irritable to you, or make you irritable to your partner, even when and where he/she is not aware of your behind the scene escapades.
10) Always take everything to God in prayers concerning your partner. There is nothing beyond God. Ask for grace to live with, and manage him/her. Every marriage is a work in progress : Until death do you part.
Let me share a mystery of life with you that you will NOT likely find in any book mill or in most counseling corridors: Everyone who fails in marriage, has presented a “certificate of shattered experience” to his or her children, and if such children are not careful, they will require nothing less than double of your efforts NOT to fail in their own marriages.
This is a story for another day.
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