By Olubunmi Adebayo
He was fully dressed in his neatly pressed military uniform as a Major General and the military Head of State of Nigeria.
Possibly with him was a carefully prepared proposal speech rehearsed – General Yakubu Gowon, ready to convince a young woman that he was the man she should marry.
The young lady – Victoria, listened carefully, looked at him calmly, and then came the unexpected request, which is the focus of our Reflection today – she wanted his marriage proposal in writing.
Yes, you read correctly – she wanted the marriage proposal of the General and Head of State of Nigeria to her in writing. Imagine the silence in that room!
The Head of State – the man who could issue orders to an entire nation, now had to put his romantic intentions on paper for one woman! – Can you see the power of a woman there!
Imagine having the most powerful man in Nigeria pursuing you as a lady, and instead of being completely swept off your feet, you are asking, “Sir, what exactly are your intentions?”
The above was what made the love story of General Yakubu Gowon and his wife, Victoria, so interesting. According to accounts of Gowon’s autobiography -“My Life of Duty and Allegiance”, their courtship included Victoria insisting on having his commitment documented rather than relying on verbal promises alone.
Our Head of State was not just going to write love letters, the man had to show evidence of his sincerity.
Victoria was not simply impressed by the fact that the man pursuing her was the most powerful person in Nigeria. She had expectations of her own – she wanted clarity about the relationship before committing herself to it.
They eventually got married on 19 April 1969, during the Nigerian Civil War, and almost 3 years after General Gowon took over as the Head of State of Nigeria in 1966.
Ladies, women, and daughters- Victoria’s story reminds us of something important. A man’s position may impress you, but you still need clarity about the commitment he is offering.
Please ladies know this – A big title is not a marriage certificate. Expensive gifts are not proof of commitment. Sweet words are not a substitute for clarity.And butterflies in your stomach should not stop you from asking sensible questions about the future you are being invited to share.
This does not mean every man must sign a document before you can accept his proposal. It means you should understand what you are agreeing to.
Are you both looking for the same kind of marriage, and your degree of commitment to the marriage?
Have you discussed critical issues like the location of each of you, children, finances, family boundaries and expectations?
Does his actions agree with his promises?
These conversations may not sound as romantic as a candlelit dinner, but they can save you from some very expensive heartbreak and untold dimensions later in the marriage.
You can be in love and still ask sensible questions about your future o.
And gentlemen, a woman who asks about your intentions is not necessarily difficult o. She is simply taking her future seriously.
After all, marriage is too important to enter with excitement alone, only to be terribly disappointed later.
If the most powerful man in the country wanted to marry you, would you ask questions first, or you would just say, “Where do I sign?”
Writer – Omolola Omowaye : a storytelling strategist, journalist, and emotional intelligence educator.
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